Songs of Solomon 8: 6-7 One person that can talk so much of love is Solomon. He married and have love relationship with nothing less than 1,000 women. 

Solomon discovered from his experience that love is stronger than death. He said that no water could quench love. True love conquers obstacles.

We discover that there are certain issues in marital relationship that can actually erode the love in marriage and send it out of the home if the people concerned did not take note and diligently avoid such pitfalls.

1. MONEY PROBLEMS The Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil, but we must understand that the absence of money is the father of all troubles. 

Money issues are what both intending couples and married couples should thoroughly discuss and agree on certain decisions and principles by which their family finances will be run.

To avoid problems in finances in your family both now and in the future:

a. Pay Your Tithe - Malachi 3:10: Mal 3:10 - "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." Lev 27:30 - "And all the tithe of the land, whether of the seed of the land, or of the fruit of the tree, is the Lord's: it is holy unto the Lord."

To avoid problems in your finances you must pay your tithe. When couples tithe consistently, they will create a consistent harvest. When couples pay their tithe they create a memory in the mind of God for ever.     

• Tithing can break the financial curse on your life and family. Those who rob God of tithe and offerings that belong to Him are living under a curse. Do not say that instruction to pay tithe is in the Old Testament, we must believe the word of God totally. 

b. Avoid Indebtedness

What is indebtedness? It is when you buy things you cannot pay for. It is what you desire and acquire beyond your means.

It is when you are spending the money you have not earned. Indebtedness is an evil spirit that has your destruction as its ultimate goal.

Indebtedness drains the joy out of pay day, as you have spent the salary before you earn it.

Indebtedness brings fear into your home, as you are no longer at peace, but perpetually afraid of what might happen to you or your family. Prov. 22: 7 - "The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender."

c. Lack of Personal Discipline

To avoid problems in your finances you must be a disciplined person. 

It is not everything that is brought to you that you buy. Ensure that you buy only what you need and not what you want.

Prov. 25: 28 - "A man without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls." 

d. Live on Budget

You should agree as couples to live on budget. Budgeting helps you not to spend more than you earn. This can only be achieved with a lot of discipline. 

2. DISTANCE/SEPARATION

There are cases where husband and wife have been separated. Husband or wife has moved to a nation or another state. A couple considering this type of job separating life should answer the following questions:

• Will you be able to cope sexually?  
• Can you trust your partner if you hear things about him or her?
• Can your finances maintain two homes?

With separated home, sexual relationship wanes, the desire leaves them because they now no longer miss the other person.

Obviously, with no intimacy sexually, they quit sharing details of their lives and can reach the point where the presence or actions of their mate irritate them.

To break the power of the negative impact of distance life separation on marital bliss, the spouse must ask themselves what their priorities are in life. Which comes first, the job or the marriage?

The person who puts economic benefit of the job before the marriage will certainly know it will be very hard for them to totally heal.

3. NOT ESTEEMING YOUR PARTNER

Esteeming a person is to show them high regard, to act favorably towards them, to regard them with respect or admiration. To esteem is also to admire, to appreciate, to show honor. It is to consider your partner with utmost respect.

A person you esteem will be treasured and respected. When this goes out of a relationship, it becomes sour and the partners begin to drift away from each other.

We all love to live or hang out with people who show us respect, who give us recognition.

This is very important when it comes to a man. A man may part with his money or clothe but not to be treated without self-esteem. Eph. 5: 22-25. Every woman wants to be appreciated, complemented, and rated highly by the person with whom they share the future or hope to share.

In the same way, a woman wants to be highly esteemed. The greatest way to esteem a woman is to give her the feeling and make her know that she is the only one that matters to you. As much as respect is mutual, the man remains the head of the home, Thus when it comes to who leads, every woman should allow her partner to lead.

Even if you have PHD and he has primary six school leaving certificate, since you have agreed to marry him, he is to be respected.

4. UNFORGIVENESS

Matt 18:21-22 - "Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."

2 Cor. 2:10-11 - "Now whom you forgive anything, I also forgive. For if indeed I have forgiven anything, I have forgiven that one for your sakes in the presence of Christ, lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices."

Matt 6:12-14 - "And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors..For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Mark 11:25 - And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have fought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses."

I have quoted all these Bible passages for us to know that it is dangerous not to forgive our spouse when we are offended. But we should also forgive anyone who has offended us in any way. He who refuses to forgive burns the bridge upon which he must travel one day.

Unforgiveness is one of the most popular poisons that have destroyed a lot of Ministers marriages. It is what gives room to bitterness.

Heb. 12: 15 - "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." It is important for anyone who has been offended to consciously and deliberately forgive. 

5. BAD COMMUNICATION

We spend every day of our lives communicating either verbally or non-verbally. Marital relationship is one place where you can never talk too much rather it is important to talk a lot.

The opening of the heart to one another is a major source of the strengthening of relationships.

Eph. 4: 29. "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." For relationship to work effectively, the solutions are that:     

• Be yourself Do not attempt to be someone else. Do not attempt to be someone else. Do not attempt to control each other, this will destroy communication.

• In communication, you must listen more and talk less. Qualitative communication means that you must recognize that the other person has something to say and you must honor what the other person wants to say.

• It is better to feel and express your feelings than to jump to hasty conclusion on what was the possible reason why the other person has done what they did and what the solutions are.

• You must show visible love to each otherBelittling words destroy the confidence of any man.

• A wife should stand beside her man and let him know that he is her hero. A man should always express appreciation for the meal his wife prepared and the way she dressed

• A man should know that a woman only finds validation on the quality of words that her husband speaks into her life.

 Husband and wife should find appropriate time to talk. 

6.DISHONESTY: Gen 2:25 - "and they were both naked, the man and his wife and were not ashamed." 

Before a man and wife come together they have certain past that may be unpleasant, it is better to open up one to another. If one comes into a relationship and begins to build on dishonesty, certainly the marriage could crumble.

Dishonesty strangles compatibility , so if you want to be compatible with your spouse, you have got to make your history known openly your thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislike so that there are no unusual discoveries in future.  Dishonesty leads to lack of trust and makes it hard to believe even when the other person seems to be telling the truth. It creates the atmosphere for perpetual suspicion and pushes the spouse to the place where they have to assume that certain things happened, even if it did not. Dishonesty will require the keeping of secrets and living of a false life. It will also require the misleading of the spouse. A dishonest spouse will do this to cover his or her tracks and this creates an incredible problem. The answer or solution is speaking the truth always

7. SEXUAL PROBLEMSAnswer the following questions

• Have you ever left hurt, depressed resentful or angry about your wife's lack of interest in sex?
• Have you ever felt like building a wall around you to protect yourself from the feeling of rejection from your spouse?
• Have you intentionally made plans that do not include your husband or wife?
• Do you question your own attractiveness a masculinity/ feminity?
• Have you ever wondered whether your spouse really loves you?
• Have you felt any resentment about your marriage, sex life?
• Are you feeling shut down emotionally and are you pulling always from your spouse.
• Do you find yourself being highly critical or bossy?
• Have you ever felt like staying away from your marriage and finding companionship or sexual excitement/fulfilment somewhere else?
• Do you feel you have been friendly enough but your spouse simply does not understand how important sexuality is to you.?

If your answer is Yes to some of these questions, then there is a sexual problem that can cause marital bliss to die Husband and wife should know that the subject of sex is important to your spouse, no matter how spiritual or committed in Christ you are. God made us to be sexual beings and He gave us boundaries that it should be expressed only within the marital home 1Cor. 7:4 "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does."

When couples are close to each other , constantly touching each other.,It will be impossible to fight because of sex. Sex is in itself a tool that gives both spouses a feeling of being wanted, attractive and desired

8. IN LAWS

In-laws talk about relationship that comes about by marriage . Actually according to Gen. 2:24, departure of each person from father and mother is advised. This should not bring any problem if the couples have taken time to discuss their relationship with in-laws before they are married.

In African context when you marry an individual, you actually marry the relations too but this should not be taken for granted. The husband should ensure that the wife does not become 'foot mat" for his relations. Before couples to be get married if there are siblings, discuss how to take care of them.

No sibling, mother or father is bigger than each other. The problem of in-laws get complicated when any of the in-laws are living with them . The couple should explain the position of the in-laws to each other. The husband especially, should make explanation to his siblings that the respect they give to him is what they should give to his wife.

9. THIRD PARTIES Third parties will include friends, fellow ministers, family members, church people, colleagues, children where there had been a precious marriage, parents and counsellors. 

Those mentioned above can quench love in marriage because they can interfere in marriage thus bringing about misunderstanding. They can bring about suspicion and bring about wrong information.